Hammond, IN. That's what she said.

Stay classy at Hammond, IN's Dynasty Banquets at the Ramada Inn

I’m back from the Rust Belt a little older and wiser.

Truth be told, regions like that sort of freak me out. I mean I’ve been to big cities, I live in a small city, and have visited a handful of small towns and farms (all have been relatively quaint), but I have very few experiences with formerly industrialized towns like the ones that fill northwestern Indiana. It is crazy how depressed-looking they are. Maybe it was just the cold and gray weather, but it seemed like the town was made up of White Castles, potholes, and beauty supply stores with weird names like “Milky Beauty.” Madison’s economy isn’t really based on industry, so it was surprising to see the effects of deindustrialization close up. Let me tell you, it was effed.

Let’s move on. The wedding was a good ol’ fashioned blasty blast, made even better by a 1 a.m. trip to one of the aforementioned White Castles. The ceremony itself was catholic which generally equates to B-O-R-I-N-G (sorry, Catholics. Keep on keepin’ on). Luckily the bride and groom at this wedding are totally awesome and added some of their own pizzazz to keep it interesting. Mainly, any time the priest would mention something being hard, the groom would tug his earlobe, signifying “that’s what she said.” By the time the priest was talking about being filled by God and allowing Jesus to be the third party in the relationship, we were practically dying from laughter in the pews. Yep, we are definitely all going to hell.

The reception was a good time as well, despite the cream of chicken soup (I’m pretty sure that paste was a key ingredient) and wine that tasted like a cherry jolly rancher (they closed the open bar just for dinner—who does that to someone?). Post-dinner, the dance floor was booming. A hint to any boy who wants my attention (there’s gotta be at least one out there)—I will automatically like you twice as much if you bring your shit to the dance floor. The boys at this wedding? They were working it.

The night ended with a party in a room at a Super 8 motel. Cops and security were called multiple times. I was gone by the time they showed up, which is great because I’m sure that I would have had a stress-induced heart attack from all of that noise and activity.

Overall, it was great to be around so many of my favorite people and I think that the whole thing was amplified by the foreign setting. The drive home was spent in equally good company (this time I hitched a ride with my favorite couple Tom and Emily) and probably provided the best “that’s what she said” moment of all:

PQK: I hate the way nuts make my breath smell.

whole car (in unison): That’s what she said.


I think that I’ll end there.