Waitresscapades #1

Have you ever asked yourself what the PQK does for a living? Of course you have! You people think about me all of the time, I’m sure! Well, it turns out that bloggin’ don’t pay the bills and, on weekends, you can find me taking orders and slinging plates and drinks at one of Madison’s many restaurants. Sometimes it’s great—people shove extra tens at me, engage me in good, but not too intimate conversation, tip the full twenty percent, and tell me that they travel write for the New York Times and then invite me to write with them (this only happened once). Other times, working in the restaurant industry drives me to the verge of suicide—ten percent tips, people who don’t order alcohol, senior citizens, etc. You overhear and get told a lot of funny/awkward/ ridiculous things on this side of the apron, which is why I’ve decided to start this series called ‘Waitresscapades.’

Friday, February 15, 2008

Setting: Inebriated women dismantles restaurant-owned bouquet of flowers. She sits at a table with ten others, equally inebriated.

Woman: What do you do with these flowers?

PQK: We reuse them tomorrow.

Woman (holding a tea rose): Can I please have this? I—I grew up in a flower shop and I just—I haven’t seen these in so long!

PQK: There are flower shops in Madison.

Woman (to man): Smell

Man: Is that a carnation?

Woman: No. I can’t tell you what it is, but I can tell you what it ain’t!

Later-

Woman (holding a lily): This is an orchid. They’re very rare!



This was only the beginning. Daughter of a florist, indeed.