DeNiro on: Frozen Treats

This is a conversation overheard by me on the bus between two men and a woman. They're all middle aged prototypical Wisconsinites (the Wisconsin accent is important to remember here).

And scene.

Man 1: I love frozen yogurt.

Woman: What about gelato?

Man 2: Ooh! I love gelato.

Woman: There are so many flavors!

Man 1: So many!

Woman: Or as Robert DeNiro would say, "There's so many flavahs!"

And scene.

Did I miss the scene in Taxi Driver where Bobby D soliloquizes about the vast varieties of Italy's ice cream? Or maybe that scene was in Raging Bull. Either way, the woman's New York accent was Oscar worthy.



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P.S. I think that this could be the beginning of a new column called "DeNiro on..." It could just be him musing on the simple things like "DeNiro on: Sandwiches" or "DeNiro on: The Best Julia Roberts Movies."

"Clever Taxi Title"

Tonight, I took a taxi home after meeting up with some friends for a drink. The driver, obviously bored from dragging people all over town, decided to make my ride as uncomfortable as possible by telling me how he can’t pay the rent or electric bill and needs two thousand dollars.

“I’ve had such a stressful day,” he said. “Basically I’m gonna get evicted and my house will be dark when they take it away from me.”

What does a person say to that? My mind was blanker than Jerri.

“Well, at least you’re leaving it worse than when you found it,” was all I could think of.

“Hey, if you know any rich women who want me to do things to them,” he joked.

“Can’t help you there.”

This cab ride lasted six more excruciating blocks in which he told me how supportive his daughter has been, how this will never happen to her, yadda yadda yadda.

Pulling up to the house, I gave him my money. He counted it and sighed. I think he expected me to toss him a thousand and wish him luck in his future endeavors, but he over-estimated my kindness and the depth of my wallet.

Trust me, internet friends, I’m generally a bit nicer, but (a) there was a meter running,(b) I was a captive audience, and (c) this was the THIRD time I’ve had this cab driver and the THIRD time that he has given me uncomfortable personal information. I actually planned to write this blog two weeks ago when I encountered him a second time.

Here’s a summary of the previous encounters:

Conversation #1:

Pop Quiz Kid: Did you get to enjoy the weather today?
Taxi Driver: No, I was in court all day. My girlfriend was trying to get her daughter back from the government.
PQK: silence
TD: Yeah, when they said she could have her back, we all just started crying.
PQK: silence
TD: Now we just have to go back for her son.
PQK: Reaching for the door, ready to throw myself into oncoming traffic

Conversation #2:

TD: How was work.
PQK: Fine, but I’m glad to be done.
TD: I’ve never been to that restaurant before.
PQK: You should try it sometime.
TD: My girlfriend’s on Weight Watchers, so we only go to places that have food points listed.
PQK: Oh, sure.
TD: You know, I lost seventy-five pounds.
PQK: Congratulations. aside Jesus Christ.

Either Madison needs more cab drivers or I need to find another mode of transportation because I am terrified of Conversation #4