I've moved!

I will now be blogging at Madeleine Davies Aims to Please. Hope to see you there!

Fergus, Always.

Over New Years, I made a very informal resolution to write at least one blog entry a week for the next year. This resolution was seemingly realistic at the time however certain circumstances have kept me from my goal. This past Monday, my family and I had the unfortunate task of putting our dog Fergus to sleep. For those of you who didn't know him, it is near impossible to express his uniqueness. To us, he was always less of a dog and more of a person and we are grieving his loss accordingly. The last weeks of his life and his passing have been an exhausting process that unfortunately leaves little energy to devote to writing.

My world has a Fergus-sized hole in it. Not being able to smell his fur or hear the jingle of his collar when I come in the door has been embarrassingly heartbreaking. Still, I feel most confident that I will soon be ready to fulfill my blog-once-a-week promise with entries full of the joie de vivre that my handsome boy so loving embodied.



And here's a previous post about Fergus.

2010 Winter Movie Preview for Geniuses

The post-holiday season can be a drag for almost everybody. It's cold, no one is buying you things, and there are no longer radio stations entirely devoted to playing the same four Christmas songs over and over again. I don't know about you, but, for me, going another nine months without hearing Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You is about equal to what I imagine being a dog in those ASPCA commercials feels like. "Throw on Adia and euthanize me now," you're saying! But wait! There are reasons to persevere! Sure, your life may not be worth living any longer, but isn't that why Louis Lumiere God invented the movies? So that you can forget what a piece of junk you are and watch things explode and people kiss each other's faces (all movies fall in at least one of the two genres, duh)?

"Now, Maddie, you big dummy" you must be saying, "the holiday movie season is over! And it'll be dozens of weeks before the summer blockbusters are released. Way to be an IDIOT!" Well, you're wrong. Some of the best movies come out in January, February, and March. It's SCIENCE.

That said, welcome to The Pop Quiz Kid Winter Movie Preview! Let's get to it!

Season of the Witch



First of all, can you think of ANYTHING that doesn't make this movie look like the greatest film of all time? It has knights (totally in right now), horses (!!!!), witches (cause women are terrible ALWAYS), choppy battle scenes, and a heavy metal score. Oh, and a little actor named Nicholas FUCKING Cage. Thirteen year old boys (you and me, CLEARLY) must be so excited right now (which we are)!

Robin Hood



Knights! SO IN. Horses YES. KNIGHTS FALLING OFF HORSES TO HEAVY METAL MUSIC. OH MY GOD. If we had driver's licenses we would totally skip social studies to go and see this! Maybe my dad can drive us there and your dad can drive us home!

Clash of the Titans



dfgkjhdfgkjhj! Thank god I'm a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD BOY and have so much experience hiding my erections otherwise watching this preview would be really embarrassing! The good news is that the theater will most likely be filled with other thirteen year old boys because no SELF-RESPECTING adult would see this preview and think "wow, this is the movie for me." Instead, they'll probably be off doing old people things that don't include heavy metal guitars, like going to their peers' funerals or watching Hoarders marathons. The theater will be ours and we can let our boners fly freely!

Is your winter beginning to look less blue? I'll bet it is (unless you're a lame old man who probably doesn't even know how to work an Xbox and smells like musty loneliness)! You're welcome!

Willennium

2009, RIGHT? Holy jeez, what did you do with your year? That's nice. I'm sure that you would love to go on, but I'm not going to let you cause this is my blog and I wear the adult diaper around here. Besides, I did TONS this year and there isn't enough time for us BOTH to tell our stories. The one thing I probably didn't do is write enough, so this will all be edge-of-your-seat new information for you. For example, did you know that I spent three months in New York, bought a really pretty cardigan, and had SEVERAL lunch dates with AJ McLean from the legendary Hollywood music group the Backstreet Boys?



I bet you didn't.

Needless to say, this was a pretty crazy year full of ups and downs for all of us. Barack Obama became president which was pretty cool, I guess? I'm not sure if it's still cool, but I hope it is. Lady Gaga didn't wear pants sometimes and had crazy wigs and music videos. We also became blood sisters, but she doesn't know it yet, since we haven't OFFICIALLY met. Actually, I'm pretty sure that that is all that happened in 2009 so maybe it wasn't as crazy as we thought. Sorry.

Don't worry. MY year had way more ups and downs than our collective year, so this blog can still be kinda interesting. Maybe. For example, this year, I said a sad goodbye to a very special family friend (not a joke) and watched my dog slowly decline into being an old man (also not a joke). Those were the downs. There were also the times that I couldn't find jeans that fit me, which, we can all agree, was kind of a bummer. But the ups! There were way more ups! Like how much I loooooooooved living in Brooklyn and working in New York City. And how much I loved the place that I was working at, but can't talk about unless I want to be sued for one kajillion dollars! Or how I ran into celebrities like Snoop Dogg or that guy who might have been on Mad About You one time? I don't know, I was negative 30-years old when that show was on. There was also that thing where I figured out what I wanted to do with my life and stopped feeling like an angsty baby all the time and made a bunch of super cool friends. Like I said, ups and downs. But a heck of a lot more ups.

A lot of people do "Best of 2009" lists, which I guess I can try, too. If I didn't, you'd probably leave and go find another blog that did. I don't want that. I want you to stay with me. Forever.

Best Movie of 2009

Did I see any movies in 2009? I must have, but I don't really remember them. OH! An Education was pretty good. It did inspire me to cut some wack bangs, so down points for that. But it also had beautiful dresses and Carrie Mulligan was talented and pretty in it. New Moon was totally terrible soooooo good and ZOMG LAUTNER ABS EDWARD BRAIN FACE! I didn't see it, but I heard that Precious was a good uplifting comedy, I think. Or maybe that was The Hangover. Anyways, Mo'Nique is in it and she's the best. I'll probably save that movie until after my dog dies and I need something to make me feel better.

Best TV Show of 2009

Parks and Recreation, duh. Why is that show so good this season? Better question. How could a show with Amy Poehler, that drunk guy from Deadwood, and Aziz Ansari ever have not been good?

Best Song of 2009

Or how about Song that I sang too much in 2009? Because that would probably be Bad Romance by Lady Gaga or Empire State of Mind by whatstheirfaces.

Best Book of 2009

Fun fact: I don't know how to read or write.

Best Most Cutest Blogger in 2009

This Guy:




HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY! YOU'RE THE BEST.

Me leaving New York is gonna go a little something like this:

Sooooo Twiharded!

First things first, I am a nablopomo failure. To be perfectly honest, I'm okay/bordering on defensive about that. I'VE JUST BEEN BUSY, OKAY? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME! But now that's out of the way and we can move on to waaay more exciting topics. Like the recent release of New Moon. Am I right, guys? Forget Edward and Jacob, let's talk about Bella's dad. TEAM CHARLIE 4 LIFE. He's, like, chief of police, always has the funniest one liners, and his go-to parenting move is threatening his daughter with sending her to Florida. Talk about a man! And, I don't know about you, but this sudden urge came over me to get mauled or at least slightly manhandled by someone who loves me as I left the movie theater. What am I talking about- of course you know what I'm talking about cause you, like me, obviously forked out ten bucks to see this movie opening weekend!

And good news! I have finally found a forum for totally reasonable and not-at-all disturbed Twihards like me to get together and share how much Stephanie Meyer's AMAZING works of non-fiction in The Twilight Saga has effected us and bled (haha) into our own lives. Presenting...

My Life is Twilight or MLIT cuz writing it all out cuts into my Taylor Lautner collage-making time.

Here are some of my personal favorites:

Three weeks ago I climbed a tree in the hopes of being like Edward. I fell out of the tree and fractured my arm, which is now in a cast. I plan to try again tomorrow. MLIT!

when the song possibility (where the seasons pass and bella is despressed) came on I did the same thing bella did. I sat at my window staring out with a blank expression on my face except I was crying because I felt like a whole was ripped through my chest. I felt like edward left me. MLIT

I just had beautiful twin boys. I named one Edward and the other Jacob. MLIT.

After reading these, I'm like, I can think of better ways that my life is so Twilight! Like how, for example, I often brush my hair out of my face. Or how all of my favorite books come off of my 9th grade English syllabus. Just to make it official like, here are the top 10 ways that my life is the MOST Twilight:

10. My relationship with my father is based entirely on a fragile foundation of lies about my much older boyfriend.

9. I am a lady with no personality or agency.

8. I am not allowed to go surfing with the Native Americans. But it's because my parents are racists. And I don't know how to surf.

7. My school had a prom.

6. Remember that time that I was Joan Jett and me and Emile Hirsch played that song on stage in a trailer park, but he wouldn't date me cause I was too young, so he went to Alaska and died instead? And how before that I was in this weird love triangle with my mom and the guy from The OC, but then we went to the Triwizard Tournament and everything worked out?

5. I was about to get raped when my lab partner showed up to stop it. He blamed me then mocked me for wearing a seat belt. So romantic!

4. I used to kill people, but I feel really bad about it even though I still want to, you know, kill people.

3. I've started going shirtless, wearing only denim cut-offs. NO, I WON'T EXPLAIN. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

2. My boyfriend won’t sleep with me because he’s probably into guys he might get carried away and kill me.

1. My boyfriend isn't real.

You see how fucking Twilight my life is? That's right. Pretty fucking Twilight.

MLIT found via Videogum

yum yum yum.

I am exhausted from a day of running all over the city and witnessing a bombardment of shitty behavior (shame on you, New Yorkers!). Taking this into consideration, I've decided that I would best be expressed by the following video, rather than the usual blogging format.